My Testimony This is the testimony I gave a number of years ago at our church When Amy and I first met, before we were dating, we talked about church and I joked that the reason I didn’t go to church was for other people’s protection. That if I even entered a church we might risk being hit by lightning… Now look where I am…standing at a pulpit.  You folks in the first few rows may want to say an extra prayer or two.  There are two passages of scripture that I wanted to touch on today, not that I’m a biblical scholar, but as sort of a stepping off point into my testimony, and that’s really what I’m doing here today, telling you how I got here. The first is from Romans Chapter 5, verses 3 and 4. Paul tells us to rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.   All of us have suffered, some a great deal. If you haven’t suffered, believe me in the next 15 minutes or so you probably will. The idea of rejoicing in your suffering is not an easy thing to grasp, for most us… And I don’t think Paul is saying we should enjoy or minimize that pain. But can we get to a point where we can see the value in our suffering?  Chew on that idea for a moment or two… The second passage is from John chapter 16 verse 12.  Jesus is talking to his disciples and he says, “There’s so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now”.  Essentially he’s saying, “You can’t handle it…you’re not ready” Jesus is saying pretty clearly that we learn in stages  I grew up for the most part un-churched.  My parents were raised Methodist, but fell away from the church and the only “church” we ever attended when I was growing up was a Unitarian church.  We didn’t attend for long and I don’t remember learning much there.  I do remember vividly the first prayer that God answered for me.  I was 14. It was in April of 1972. I curled up in a fetal position on my bed in Garden City New York, and I prayed my mother would die.  A few days earlier my mother had been in a car wreck, a month before my father had died of a heart attack. My mother spent several days in that medical limbo between life and death and I spent every hour of every one of those days in Hell.  I was the youngest member of the family and I was not told very much about my mother’s condition and I was not allowed to see her.  I wasn’t ready. But after a few days I started asking the hard questions and learned that if my mother were to survive, it would not be a life she would recognize. Machines were keeping her alive, and that was something I knew she did not want.  I came to God that night with a child like trust.   I prayed that God would do what was best for my mother.  She died that night.  Amy says it was that night that I became a Christian. Maybe so.  I’m not certain of that. Unfortunately I am sure my child-like trust ended that night. After that, I didn’t listen to God for nearly 20 years.   My two older brothers and I were sent to live with an Aunt and Uncle in Texas.  They are very good people, but it was a situation that was as hard on them as it was on us.  Three rebellious, angry, New York teenagers suddenly thrust into their childless lives.  It was not a good fit. My brothers moved out almost as soon as we moved in, I left home for good before I was 18.  It was the 70s… I found a lot of things to fuel my rage.  I was already smoking, but I started drinking heavily, and doing drugs.  That was a pattern that lasted for decades.  I had a friend come into San Antonio last year who I hadn’t seen for 15 or 16 years.  When we started talking about my faith, he was stunned. He said, “You were always the guy who would argue that God didn’t exist, I never thought you would be a Christian”.  That was true, I was that guy.  I can be pretty loud when I’m only listening to me.  We live not too far from Randolph Air Force base and about a quarter mile away from a set of railroad tracks.  On a regular basis trainer jets fly out of Randolph and directly over my house; trains go down those Union Pacific tracks several times every day and night.  I don’t hear those jets; I don’t hear those trains.  I’ve tuned them out.  That’s how I was with God. I used booze and drugs and the sound of my own voice to block out God.  I wasn’t ready to hear what He was telling me.  It’s not that I think God is silent. I think God screams.  I found ways to tune him out  I’ll spare you the bulk of the details of my life in young adulthood, but as you can imagine I had a lot of setbacks, believe me I was miraculously spared many more that I deserved.  When I was about 30 years old it became apparent even to me that I wasn’t living a life I wanted to live and if I kept living the life I was living I wouldn’t live it long.  I was still using drugs; I was still drinking…a lot...  I had failed in an attempt at marriage  About the only good thing I did back then was each year I would get away, by myself and think about my life.  One year I did that I decided to quit smoking…and I did.  Another year I decided to wean myself from drugs and the drug culture...and I did. Then another year I decided I would quit drinking. I gave myself a year to do it, and I did.  I got rid of the stuff in my life that I knew was making me the person I didn’t want to be. And you know what? I still was not the person I wanted to be.  I was going to bring a jar up here, and ask you what would it take to get the air out of the jar? Maybe we could use a vacuum cleaner to suck the air out of the jar and then slam the lid down real fast….That probably wouldn’t work, but the easiest way to get the air out of the jar would be to pour in some water.  Unlike a lot of Christians, I never had a sudden, instantaneous, direction changing, “born again” moment and honestly I think waiting for that type of moment has slowed down my spiritual growth, but the realization that I couldn’t simply “suck out the sin” from my life, that I had to fill my life with something…that was very enlightening. I didn’t suddenly abandon all of my bad habits. I didn’t suddenly become a fervent believer. It’s been a gradual process for me…as I became ready.  I started dating Amy, a good Christian woman and that’s really when I started going to church. We dragged each other to a variety of churches, lightening didn’t strike. We found a church we both could accept. I was going pretty regular…at least a couple of Sundays a month.  I was singing the songs, I wasn’t singing well, but that’s one of the first nice things I noticed about Christians, when you sing off key, folks just smile at you.  We did that for some time.  Amy and I got married.  Ironically, I became stepfather to three kids.  Unlike the rebellious heathen children my relatives inherited, my kids were already strong Christians. I think it’s another of God’s lessons to me in that I worried about what type of parent I would be to these kids, what would I teach them?  Instead they taught me many lessons, including that patience and respect are two-way streets and the hard one…that I’m not always right.  We found this church, which was different. I actually liked coming to Covenant. I went to Sunday school. It became easier to come EVERY Sunday. I still knew the songs.  I gave my money. I got baptized.  I thought I had really come as far as I could and God didn’t expect anything more of me.  The church said, “ We need Sunday school teachers”.  I thought, “not me. I’m not qualified ...I’m not ready for that.” Amy said we’d teach the class together and I thought, “Well okay, it’s no big deal. Amy will do the teaching.  I’ll be a visual aid.  She can tell the kids to follow God and then point to me and say, “or else you’ll end up like him!”  And so we taught Sunday school, and again I thought God was pushing me to my limit. Then the church needed a Music Minister and Amy was called, but she couldn’t lead music AND teach Sunday school. So someone would have to take over the class.  I didn’t think I was capable, I wasn’t ready, but with some gentle prodding and help from Kelley Self, I decided to give it a try.  Surely now God was getting “Maximum Michael”...the most He could expect from me.  Then the church needed Deacons.  The day we started talking about electing Deacons, I fired off an email to Gordon saying, “Take my name off the list.  There’s no way I’m ready for that”. Amy gave me a dirty look when I did that, Gordon frowned, but Ariane Huddleston just came up to me face to face at Rolling Oaks Christian Church one Saturday night and said, “I think you should be a Deacon.”  So I really had the church thing down. I was teaching a Sunday school class, I was deaconizing, I had my fanny in a chair every Sunday, I was singing the songs, I was writing that check.  Now I’m at my limit…Surely God knows that!  Then, a couple of months ago Gordon came to me and said , “ I know you won’t want to do this  and I know you won’t do it  but I have to ask… would you consider preaching  or giving your testimony one Sunday”. By this point at least I had learned something, that saying “I’m not ready for that God” didn’t wash. That same day I sent Gordon an email and I said I’ll do it. I never ever thought I would be standing at a pulpit giving my testimony. I don’t even like to pray out loud.  God led me every step of the way here. He is a patient God.  I’m proof.  So what does all this mean?  Well, here’s what I’ve learned.  I’ve learned in order to know what God wants for me, I have to listen. I’ve learned I have to have that child-like trust I had nearly 30 years ago.  I’ve learned that being a Christian means you have to let the Holy Spirit guide, push you, and sometimes drag you, to new awareness and truth and be ready to accept it.  I don’t know why things have happened in my life, it hasn’t been an easy road for me and I know it hasn’t been an easy road for any of you. I do know I wouldn’t be here, right now unless things happened exactly as they did. Paul said it, “Rejoice in your sufferings, suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, character, hope.”   From this perspective, looking out at all of you, seeing my church family in front of me, seeing the church future in your eyes, I can look back at where I’ve been and rejoice. What I went thru got me here, to this…to you.  Yes, I can rejoice.  I'm not where I was spiritually 30 years ago. And, by the grace of God, I'm not where I'll be spiritually 30 years from now.  But I’m speaking to and listening to God.  I’ve said,  “I’m ready to learn”… and believe me He’s said, “I’m going to show you”.  I don’t know if my story has any meaning or applicability in your life. It’s my story.  It’s how I got here.  I’m thankful for the opportunity to share my journey with you. I’m grateful for your patience in listening to me.  What I invite you to do now is to listen to God.  He deserves your attention much more. Are you ready? Return to Main page The Main Point Blog