Saturday, May 15, 2004

Flashes



Nature has been producing thunderstorms recently in our little neck of the woods. On several mornings in the past week I drove to work in the middle of storms and I noticed lightning flashes.

On the highways, entrenched in the glare of the city, these flashes are dulled. They are intriguing but not necessarily illuminating.

It's on the smaller roads, before I get to the main thoroughfares that these startling bursts of energy seem to briefly reveal a different world - a sudden unexpected viewpoint. Sometimes the imagery lingers even after my eyes have readjusted but most of the time I give those visions of the world a passing thought and nothing more.

Occasionally something similar happens with people. In unguarded moments I see someone from a different vantage point. Often this is wondrous and I revel in the recognition of heretofore unnoticed qualities and try to appreciate them.

There are occasions however when such flashes appear to reveal people's true motives or character. On those occasions I often turn away, close my eyes, and hope to forget.

I wish I was always able to succeed at that...sometimes I fail.

I mention this only because it's on my mind, and this is where stuff that's on my mind spills out.

We have some friends with whom we've shared some very hard times. During Amy's health struggles she has reached out to these folks only to be ignored. We found it curious but remained persistent. Last week we finally made contact.

During the course of a fairly superficial conversation it slipped out that these friends were angry about a business deal. The deal didn't really involve us, except that we knew the other party. Yet, I suddenly realized it was because of that business relationship that these friends chose to ignore Amy, when Amy needed them most.

When the conversation was over, I held my tongue, but soon I realized Amy had made the connection too.

It was like a lightning flash. We both saw it.

We can't help but see these friends in a new light, and it's not flattering.

It will take a while, but we will work to forgive them...and eventually we will.

Thank God we've seen that light too.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Life Could Be Worse

The Spurs may have lost a heartbreaker last night, but then I wake up to this story and am reminded that life could always be worse.



ADDENDUM:

Apparently the story link was removed. Here's the piece from a newspaper in Utah:

MIDVALE, Utah — After a lot of red tape, Briana Lane has her skull back in one piece. The 22-year-old woman was injured in an auto accident in January, and doctors temporarily removed nearly half her skull to save her life.

But for nearly four months afterward, the piece of bone lay in a hospital freezer across town — and Lane had to wear a plastic street hockey helmet — because of a standoff with Medicaid and the hospital over who would cover the surgery to make her whole again.

The surgery finally came through after an excruciating wait, during which she suffered extreme pain just bending down and would wake up in the morning to find that her brain had shifted to one side during the night.

"When you think of weird things happening to people you don't think of that," Lane said. "It's like taking out someone's heart — you need that!"

Sonya Schwartz, a health policy analyst for Families USA, a consumer health care group, said insurance horror stories happen every day. But "this particular story is outlandish."

On Jan. 10, Lane's car rolled over on an icy canyon road above Salt Lake City. Lane, who was not wearing a seat belt, was thrown through the windshield. (She was later charged with driving under the influence and not having a driver's license.)

Doctors at the University of Utah Health Sciences Center in Salt Lake City removed the left side of her skull to treat bleeding on her brain. Lane's doctor originally scheduled the replacement surgery for mid-March, a month after her release from the hospital, said her mother, Margaret McKinney, a nurse who works in another division of the medical center.

But the operation was canceled the night before because the hospital was waiting to see whether Medicaid would cover it — a process that can take at least 90 days.

Lane, a waitress with no insurance, was sent home from the hospital with a big dent in her head where the bone had been removed but the scalp had been sewn back into place. She stayed at home, able to walk around but not go to work, and had to wear the helmet during the day.

During the wait for a decision from Medicaid, the hospital could have declared an emergency, moved ahead with the surgery, and figured out afterward who would pay — the hospital, Medicaid, or the patient. But the hospital did not do so.

Lane's mother said that she argued with the hospital: "We just want what you've taken away. Can you just give us back the skull and we'll go on with our lives?"

After months of delay, Lane contacted a local TV station, a move she believes hastened the surgery. "All of a sudden — top of the list!" she said. The operation took place April 30.

Exactly what broke the impasse is unclear.

The operation took place after Lane's mother's insurance decided to cover the surgery, as well as her nearly $200,000 in medical bills.

But hospital spokeswoman Anne Brillinger, while refusing to comment on certain specifics of Lane's case because of federal privacy rules, said the medical center decided to go forward with the surgery before it learned the insurance would pay.

Utah's Medicaid program has yet to decide whether Lane qualifies.

Robert Knudson, director of eligibility services at the Utah Health Department, which oversees Medicaid, said the agency has not yet seen enough evidence to decide whether her injuries entitle her to benefits under the law.

He would not comment on whether her four-month wait was unreasonable. But he said the decision over how fast Lane should have gotten treatment was up to the doctors, not Medicaid. "We only pay the bills," he said.

A neurosurgeon at Indianapolis' St. Vincent Hospital, Ronald Young, said such surgery would not be considered an emergency, but is typically performed within three to four weeks — the swelling has to go down first — because the risks to the patient are high.

"There's no reason not to replace that as soon as you can," Young said. "I don't like to have people who are walking not have their skull."

He added: "For a person who is walking, who is ambulatory, to not have their skull is a problem because you get a lot of brain shift. A simple fall, hitting her head or something could be horrendous."

Today, Lane's close-cropped hair barely covers the long curved scar on her scalp. The blackouts and dizziness are happening less often, and simple tasks are no longer excruciatingly painful.

But she said the experience has left her a little more cynical about the health care system.

"Just because they don't have money doesn't mean they should be treated differently from anyone else," she said. "I'm a good person. I just happen to be not as rich as some of them."

___

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Fear Ye Fear Ye!



Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake.- Edgar Wallace

Fear is such an interesting thing. Recently, Amy has developed a real fear of driving. She knows it's irrational, but she can't help it. For whatever reason, she is hyper aware of the traffic around us and every car ride is somewhat frightening for her.

Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. - Swedish proverb

In recent weeks I've repeatedly tried to reassure her by asking, "In all the time I've known you have I ever been in an accident with you in the car?" She and I both know the answer - no.

That changed this afternoon.

Lisa and I picked up Amy from the hospital and being acutely aware that Amy's fear of driving is very real, not to mention that it was raining, I was as cautious as I could possibly be. As we headed down a crowded roadway, a guy driving a huge SUV apparently decided he didn't want to be in the line of traffic so he pulled in front of our car as we approached less than 20 feet away. I hit the brakes but there was no hope. I clipped him, while mercifully avoiding another vehicle in the turn lane to our left.

No one was hurt. We pulled into a parking lot and I expected it would be a relatively routine exchange of information. There was no doubt the other driver was at fault....at least so I thought.

This guy had the audacity to deny even being in an accident! He said he pulled over only because he thought I had hit another car!

I stared at him wordlessly.

Then he said, "You must have been flying down the road!"
I not so gently informed him that he was indeed in an accident and my car doesn't fly. I pointed to my now quivering wife still bandaged from her hospital stay, and said, "We left the hospital 2 minutes ago, and we are in no hurry to go back there believe me."

Then he said, "Well, I was clearly established in the lane, so it's not my fault."

I really had no response to that, it was such a nonsensical statement. First off, had he actually been in the lane...he would have been moving since that lane was clear. At worst I would have rear ended his vehicle, and it was quite evident I hadn't done that.

Then he contended that there was no damage to his car and he didn't see any damage on mine.

I wondered how far we would go with this game of denial. I told Amy to call the police, as I pointed to my dented fender and cracked headlight casing.

The driver who had been in the turn lane also had stopped. She gave us her contact information and also confirmed my story of what had happened.

As I started taking down his license plate number, the guy got back in his car. Amy called the police while searching for my insurance info (I think the same demon who steals socks from the dryer takes those proof of insurance things out of glove boxes, but that's another story). Then the guy rolled down his window and said, "Hey, it's raining, get in my car...no sense getting all wet."

I crawled into the lush leather backseat of his luxury SUV and saw his newborn baby - in a car seat thank God. I also noticed his wife, who hadn't said a word to me. Soon though I suspected she had said several words to him before I got in. He handed me his driver's license and insurance info. I gave him my business card and as I was handing him my license he said, "I don't need that. Just get two estimates when you get a chance and I'll write you a check."

When a police officer arrived, I told him no report would be necessary since our insurance companies weren't going to be involved.

Presumably that will be the end of it.

The guy who pulled in front of us works for a big financial company in their tax division. From all appearances he is doing well for himself monetarily.

As I thought more about his reaction to the accident I realized at the heart of it was fear. It was almost instinctual for him to deny wrongdoing. Yet, it was completely irrational. In his panic at facing the fear of his own wrongdoing, he pulled excuses out of thin air so rapidly that I was mesmerized. He's probably a great tax guy, I'm sure he can find deductions of which most folks never dream.

Where fear is present, wisdom cannot be. - Lactantius

When we arrived home and all was calm again, I logged onto our family website and saw a picture of my sister-in-law Terry.

Skydiving.



Apparently Terry's youngest son, my nephew Sam, decided he would skydive for his 18th birthday, and at the last minute Terry decided to do it too.

To my knowledge, Terry has never before displayed symptoms of insanity, but you can only be in this family for so long I suppose before some of it rubs off.

Again I thought about fear. I suspect that Terry had some fears about skydiving. However knowing her I'll bet it was probably much more frightening for her to see her son jumping out of a plane.

In any case, she conquered both of those fears. I was greatly pleased at the timing.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness. - James Thurber

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

The Pain Truth

I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me. - Psalm 69:29


She stood before her Daddy crying - the tears of a frightened child in pain. She held up her tiny finger as evidence of her need for him. Her tender index finger was bleeding.

Tonight at church, the youngest daughter of my Pastor cut her finger. She was eating with one of her friends and opened a soft drink can. As they giggled and talked she poked her finger into the can opening and the predictable happened.

The hurt was instant with the blood not far behind. The tears and fears quickly trailed.

This little girl, a seven year old, knew immediately that she needed her Dad's loving attention.

She was right. Her father gently washed the wound and comforted her.

Moments later, she smiled at him as he placed a Band-Aid on her finger and she said, "I learned a hard lesson huh?"

-----
"She wanted me to tell you that she is no longer asking for prayers for healing, she simply wants us to pray that she can cope with her pain."

Those words greeted me as soon as I entered the church tonight. My friend Helen approached me with news about Barbara, a woman we love dearly. Barbara's cancer returned recently. Her prognosis is also unfortunately predictable.

I know where I must go to help her.

I run to you Father and hold up my sorrow. I cry out and confess my need.

One of Your precious children, a seventy year old woman, is frightened and hurting. Her pain is deep and unceasing.

I pray You comfort her.


This is still a hard lesson to learn.


I missed my nap for that?

Quick! Someone drive a stake through its heart!
The Spurs have created a monster.

The Rasho Nesduncanvich!



Talk about ugly!

I'm glad the Spurs don't have a team of hotdoggers and egos, but it would be nice if all our players actually had a pulse.

Tomorrow is another day....at least for those of us who breathe.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Resistance is futile

Okay, a couple of emails, one bordering on winsome poetry, and a comment or two from other folks saying they missed the picture of the rustic shed on the blog convinced me to return it. I still don't really like its placement and I may consult with more web savvy folks about incorporating it into the new blog template.

The bonus is I get to put my stepson's drawing of me in the profile section. I get a kick out of that, so it's a fair trade. I'm really not certain I'm going to keep the profile section anyway. If you want to know more about me you really need a hobby, but you can always go to my homepage.

I do appreciate the feedback I've gotten from everyone; I always do...even my self appointed grammarians.

Anyway, I'm wolfing down a late night dinner after a late night walk. Then it's a quick shower and off to watch the Spurs beat the Lakers with some friends.


They sure better win...otherwise going to work almost as soon as the game ends is going to make me feel even more insane...take my word for it, that's hard to do.

Congratulations HPPAV

I don't know who visits from the east coast domain that comes up as "HPPAV" in my registry, but you're the 15,000th visitor to this blog!

You can read the footer at the bottom of the blog to see what you won!

New look, old crows and guinea pigs

Famous last words but I think I worked out all the bugs with the new blog template. I've swore to myself I won't waste any more time on it this afternoon. I want to get in a walk despite the looming threat of thunderstorms and I'm still debating whether to sleep the day away and then go watch the Spurs and Lakers tonight at the home of a friend. The evil cable guy finally came by and cut off my access to the only station I watch during playoff season.

The game doesn't even start until 9:30 which means if I follow through on my ludicrous scheme, I'll watch it and then come home for an hour or so before going to work. Ugh.

I visited Amy in the hospital on my way home. She's bored as you'd imagine since she's really only waiting until Thursday for them to put in a new central line. As I was walking out I did see several black birds all staring at the Emergency room sign. I'm not sure why that struck me as odd. The picture doesn't do it justice.





Yes, you guessed it. This post was really intended only to see if the changes I implemented worked.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Deer me



I was greeted at the church tonight by a rather brave deer and then a very strong thunderstorm. Both didn't seem to care if I was there or not.

Sometimes a little humbling is good for the soul.

A new look

I only have a moment to post. I've got a Deacons meeting to attend. I decided to take the plunge and change the look of The Main Point.

I wanted something cleaner and since Blogger has re-launched with some new templates I figured this would be as good of time as any. I am probably going to play around with it a bit more tonight to see if I can make some subtle changes to make it a bit less standardized.

We'll see.

Every once in a while a new coat of paint is nice.

I'm still using my previous commenting feature instead of the new one offered by Blogger. That way I haven't lost the insight provided in the past.

So what do you think?

Change is gonna get ya!

Blogger has made some changes, and I am playing with the various templates this afternoon. If you log on and the blog looks completely different, it may be a momentary thing. If I can modify some of the new templates enough though I might keep it...who knows?

See what happens when Amy is in the hospital and I have time on my hands?

Sunday, May 09, 2004

MOM




My mom died when I was 14. She was killed by a drunk driver. She was younger than I am now and a recent widow. She's buried with my father at a veteran's cemetery in New York, which I've only been to for their funerals.



It's interesting what I recall about my mother. I remember her adopted East coast liberal leanings - both culturally and politically - being in constant conflict with her East Texas Methodist roots. I remember her anger at the injustice in the world, both close to home and far away. I know she struggled with the restrictive imagery of God sewn into her childhood. I know she wanted to know more about her own mother who died when Mom was three. I know she didn't relate particularly well with her step-mom, and other members of her family. Those are the surface things I remember, and I don't think of them often.

In truth I don't think of my mother often enough. When I do those aren't the things that come to mind.

I think about the woman who encouraged my creativity. Who relished the opportunity to immerse her sons in the sophisticated culture of New York, something she certainly never could imagine as a child growing up in the piney woods of East Texas.

I remember a woman who loved books and birds. She was strong, independent and determined, yet she often couldn't conceal her frailties. In fact sometimes she went out of her way to share them with her youngest son.

It's been 32 years since she died and in some ways I become more like her every day.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!