Saturday, January 10, 2004

THERE'S NO ESCAPE

We had a plan and everything...



The plot to sneak Amy out of the hospital this afternoon went down in flames. Her very kind nurse informed us that if Amy was off the floor for more than about 30 minutes, that would likely trigger some concern. We had been planning more along the lines of 3 hours and had intended not only to leave the floor, but to leave that entire part of the city.

Like most ill conceived schemes, ours fractured upon more intensive examination.

Yeah, we chickened out.

Amy didn't want to risk getting the nurses in trouble, and I started imagining some string of bad luck (I don't know why) like a flat tire or a fender bender, and Amy not making "bed check". That in turn would have resulted in more confusion in the medical community, which is something I'm not willing to risk at this point.

We opted to send me back home and bring Lisa up to the hospital so she can see her Mom before she goes back to Baylor tomorrow.

I never was very good at conspiracies.

SILENT THOUGHTS

It's quiet in the house...too quiet, but my mind is restless and noisy.

Amy is spending the weekend in the hospital and we're now assuming she's going to undergo surgery next week. We'll know more when the doctors deem it fitting to tell us.

I hope to sneak Amy out of the hospital this afternoon, with a wink and a nod to the nurses, so she can spend some time at home.

Meanwhile, I am still wrestling inside with the dichotomy of control and surrender.

I've come to the conclusion that I can only fall back on my most trusted allies of patience, time and God.

Friday, January 09, 2004

I'M NOT GOING TO DISNEYLAND.



The check arrived in the mail today. It was inside a business class envelope with two cellophane windows. It came from the Walt Disney company. I had forgotten I was a stockholder.

It's pretty easy to forget.

I own one share of Disney stock. It was given to me by an outfit called OneShare.com that sells single shares of stock as gifts. They wanted me to see their product since I did a feature on their company. I didn't think much about it until now. Now that I've received my first dividend check.

I'm not sure how I'll spend it.

21 cents is not the type of money I want to throw around carelessly.

I'm sure it'll be just enough to bump me into another tax bracket.

Sing along if you like:

"It's a small check after all...It's a small check after all..."

SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT

Sometimes those pictures people send you in email are actually funny.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

ANGER OVER

I should be sleeping, but I'm not so, I'll prattle on here for a moment.

It looks like Amy will be in the hospital for another day or two at least. She's been diagnosed with a staph infection which will, I'm assuming, prevent any surgeries. However her surgeon still wants to run more tests so we can't bust her out and let her be treated for the infection at home.

I found myself in this odd place this morning. I had written last night about our young friends and their frustration, and then today Amy endured some poor communication with the medical staff at the hospital. I got off work and went to join her and soon found myself being a bit more forceful than usual with the people caring for her.

In reality, I know it was justified. I don't think I was simply venting anger and frustration. I was being Amy's advocate, pointing out that she was not getting the information, much less the care she deserves. Nonetheless I did wonder if I would come home and read my post from last night and think some of those words might have been easier to write than to swallow.

In any case, I got her doctor's attention....as well as that of a radiologist, a few nurses, the nurse manager, and I think someone in the finance office.

We also got some answers. That's all we really wanted.

Okay...I need a nap. Don't want to be grumpy when I go back to the hospital...my reputation is already on thin ice.

HUH?

"Until the moment of birth, the government has no right to influence a mother's decision on whether to have an abortion. Life begins with the mother's decision" - Democratic Presidential hopeful Wesley Clark in an interview with the Manchester Union Leader newspaper.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

WAITING IN WONDER

Amy is feeling better today than at any time in the past three weeks. I'm trying to avoid the obvious conclusion that all she really needs to be healthy is to get away from me for the night.

It was the usual story at the hospital today. Tests scheduled. Tests delayed. Tests postponed until tomorrow. An infectious disease doc wants more info, but we're now getting preliminary indications that Amy could come home for a couple of weeks of IV antibiotic treatment before any surgery is decided upon.

I've become so well acquainted with these conflicting medicinal scenarios now that it's almost frightening.

At the doctor's office yesterday, Amy and I ran into a young couple we know. The young woman had a similar surgery to Amy's original operation and has now developed a bizarre liver ailment which is most likely not related. However the doctors want to make sure of that, so she and her husband were playing the waiting game for the surgeon as were we.

Her husband was not tolerating it well.

He was fuming. His anger and tension festered to the point where his feelings permeated the room like a dense and frightening fog.

I wanted so much to try to console him, but I couldn't get past his wall of rage with my initial attempts at conversation.

Tonight at church, the mother of that young woman asked me to try to counsel her daughter's husband. She said he was so angry that he was hindering rather than helping her daughter's recovery. I could certainly see how that was likely, but I'm going to have sleep and pray on her request.

It's not that I don't know what to say to this young man. I don't know if he's ready to hear it.

I would assure him that his anger at this twist of fate is justified. I would let him know his frustration with the poor diagnostic and communication skills of the medical community is understandable. I would tell him I fathom his fear.

I'd let him know I've gone through much the same thing.

Then I would give him three words of advice:

Get over it.

You see, it's a trap.

Amid all that confusion and angst, in truth this young man is really upset about only one thing.

He's infuriated that he's not in control.

What he hasn't learned is that he never will be.

There is a beauty and a portion of peace in that truth, but perhaps each of us must discover that on our own.

Job 37:14

"Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God's wonders."

I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT...ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?



(Hudson, Florida) - Associated Press - Bill Martin figures the scriptures are enough to cover folks at a Christian nudist camp. He wants to transform about 240 acres in the Tampa Bay, Florida area into a modern-day Garden of Eden. Plans for the Natura Nudist Resort include an open church, a giant water park for the kids -- and -- of course, nude volleyball. Much of the property was once home to a nudist colony but is now in disrepair. Martin hopes to have the place cleaned up enough for a nude Baptism ceremony in April. He promises there will be no drinking or fooling around among the Christian nudists.


Suddenly those old polyester leisure suits are looking better.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

HOW HOSPITABLE

Well, after a long afternoon and extensive consultations, Amy is back in the hospital. We're expecting a surgical recommendation will be forthcoming, and quite frankly at this point that might be a relief.

Blogging will be sporadic for a bit I suspect.

PATIENT PATIENCE

We're doing the doctor dance today.

We have fallen back off the radar of Amy's surgeon so, after a series of phone calls yesterday to bust through the apparent genetic malaise of his office staff, today we're going for a visit. He's indicated he may put her in the hospital again, but we'll see.

Amy has been a trooper, but she's had a recurring fever for weeks now. She still is unable to eat without pain which was what started this saga. She still is hooked up nightly to a bag of liquified food delivered intravenously.

While Amy has endured all this for months...with dignity, I have perhaps at best become slightly more adaptable only due to the chronic nature of it all. I remain unconvinced we've ever gotten an accurate diagnosis of her problem. I am certain that the "cure" has caused her additional and, in my mind, unnecessary discomfort.

In truth, I keep my rage in check only because I don't know who to direct it toward.

The nebulous nature of all this is what's frustrating. If we had a definitive diagnosis I think we could suffer through it all more easily.

There is a lesson in all this which I'm sure in time I will see.

Today though, I will admit it does not seem like a lesson worth learning.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller

Monday, January 05, 2004

ODDS N ENDS

The Britney Spears annulment should be finalized today. Looking at a copy of her marriage license, I think Britney and her soon-to-be ex should consider medical school. Their handwriting certainly qualifies...



Of course, I might be judging her too harshly. Her penmanship is much better in this autographed picture I found on line (cropping done by me, this is a family site).



Maybe she was just tired when she signed up for the marriage license.

=========

The town council in Zilwaukee, Michigan is expected to vote today to require most men to grow beards.

Men are supposed to refrain from shaving until June when Zilwaukee will hold a "Beard Fest" to mark the town's 150th birthday. The city leaders hope this will attract tourists.

I hope it works.

The beards that made Zilwaukee famous.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

REFUSE YOU CAN'T OFFER

We received the notice last week: "YOUR TURN IS COMING!"

It sounds more ominous than it is, it's actually the bright yellow door knob notice we get from the city every four months or so inviting us to pile brush clippings, old appliances, and almost anything else outside our house to be picked up by city trash crews. This is stuff the regular trash crews won't pick up, apparently because it's beneath them.

The notice invariably sparks a debate in our house.

I rummage around the garage and say, "Let's throw this useless item away" and Amy says, "Someone will buy that for 2 bucks at a garage sale."

I say, "But then we have to hold a garage sale" and Amy says, "We will one day". That debate goes on for a while until I gradually convince her that it would be worth 10 dollars or more to me to be able to walk into the garage without having to suck in my ever increasing gut.

Usually she'll capitulate enough to at least permit me to cast off a few things.

We have to have all the stuff we want hauled off out in front of our house by tomorrow morning. Then the city will let it sit there for a week or two. I believe this is some karma thing. In order to clean up our property we must also be willing to lower our property values by making the entire neighborhood look like a trash dump. I can live with that.

This time I got rid of an old TV. It was about 3 feet long with a 13 inch screen. If you got a picture on it, it was green. It didn't have a remote control. It didn't really have a channel changer, you had to use pliers. I don't even know where that TV came from, probably because it existed before I was born.

I also dragged out the unsalvageable remnants of my bicycle. That was painful, reliving that memory, but I took off the unbent tire, the lights, and walked away knowing the frame was bent, the handlebars were broken, one wheel was trashed, and it would have cost a fortune to fix.

I gladly unburdened us of the microwave with the crack in the door that was cooking our kidneys, and bits and pieces of an air conditioning unit I disassembled, as well as wood from an old water bed.

The pile hadn't been out front of the house for more than 2 hours before the doorbell rang.

"You throwing away that TV?"

Someone gladly took it.

Yesterday morning I noticed the microwave was gone - maybe somebody needed a kidney warmer.

Later in the morning, our new oven arrived. The delivery man was walking out and he said, "You throwing away that wood from a waterbed? I could use some of those boards"

This morning as we left for church I noticed some of the larger chunks of the air conditioner debris had been taken.

When we came home from church the mangled remains of my bicycle were gone.

There's virtually nothing left of the stuff I put out.

It's like the refuse rapture.

I know what you're saying and it's true, one man's trash is another man's treasure. But, this stuff was really trash.

Still it had value to someone obviously.

I guess this is a lot like grace.

"Hey, you throwing him away?"

"I think I'll take him...I still see something good there."


PSALM 49:15

But God will redeem my life from the grave; He will surely take me to Himself.

Selah