Saturday, September 06, 2003

LET THE CHIPS FALL

They say as couples grow older each member becomes more like the other. This is obviously true in our case. Last week I managed to wrench my back, and now Amy has bollixed hers. I'm getting better, but Amy had to go horizontal this afternoon for an extended nap. When I walked into the bedroom later I noticed she had supplanted my place beside her with another form of sustenance.



The only thing that came to mind was a prayer from long ago.

"Now I lays me down to sleep...."

PAY PAL PEN PAL

I'm thinking about setting up a special PayPal account. Not for me, for this guy. I think we should all kick in a few bucks to pay have his name legally changed to Wayne.

SUCCEEDING IN FAILURE

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett

I've been thinking about failure today. The thoughts started bubbling up as a result of the recent discussions about changing jobs, moving, charting a new direction in life.

It's frightening.

Not failing.

What's terrifying is the fear of failing.

"You won't skid if you stay in a rut." - Kin Hubbard

I only failed two classes when I was in school. I failed geometry in high school because I was a stoned teenager who didn't pay attention and by the time I started paying attention I didn't have a clue. Geometry is really a study in logic, and if you miss out on the first few steps, it never seems very logical.

I retook the class and made an "A".

I failed an urban studies course in college because I had a next door neighbor who worked as a secretary in that department of the University and she thought she would do me a favor by giving me a copy of the first test in advance. I chose to cheat and made an "A". I felt so guilty that I never went back to the class. I also never made up that course. I wanted an "F" on my permanent record as a permanent reminder.

"There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought." - Laurence J. Peter

In retrospect I'm thankful for both of those events. The geometry experience helped me learn that if you want to win in the end, you have to start at the beginning. The cheating experience reminded me that I've had to work for everything in life that I truly value.

I've had plenty of other failures.

I'll have more.

I can only pray I won't fail...to learn from them too.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26

Friday, September 05, 2003

NO IFS ANDS...

Amy tells a story of when Tiffany was very, very young and she caught her Dad in a parental ruse. Tiffany responded with astonishing and astute annoyance, "Daddy, don't try using reverse psychology on me!"

Tiffany is a very bright lady. She is my stepdaughter, we're not actually related by blood, which further explains her early ability to discern when she was being played like a wheezing asthmatic at a bagpipe festival.

As for me...

Last night as we were going to bed, I mentioned to Amy that if I were to consider applying for this job in Ohio it would mean some fairly radical changes for us. Amy said, "You'll actually apply for that job when pigs fly."

In all honesty, for us to pack up and move it would take more money than could probably be offered and a series of miracles, not the least of which would be for Cedarville University to lose all common sense; however it's not like it takes a lot of work to fill out an application, print a resume, and drop it in the mail. Considering the number of relatives now in on the conspiracy it almost takes more of an effort to not do it.

Today I started thinking how easily I am able to say, "well, that's nice a dream...BUT" or "I know this is really what you want ..BUT" or "We'll be able to one day, BUT".

So, I applied for the job....



If nothing else, maybe I'll stop feeling like such a BUT.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

THE LAST WORD

My wife is leading a plot to get me to quit my job and move to Ohio. This is not news. It's not even a thinly veiled conspiracy any longer. It's an outright assault which I've become accustomed to, and quite frankly, do not oppose on the condition that it makes economic, spiritual, and common sense.

I admit I've been a tad resistant for silly little reasons like: I've invested nearly 20 years in my current position. We have no money. We're deep in debt. We'd lose our medical insurance. I occasionally like to eat.

The latest position that appeared for my perusal is for the Operations Director of a Christian radio station/broadcast network at a small Baptist University.

My qualifications for the post are subject to debate, but I could probably wing it.

Since this is a religious school there are some other criteria beyond skills and experience, including the signing of a Doctrinal statement. I read it over, and although it's fairly fundamentalist in viewpoint, I really have no strong theological objections to the beliefs being espoused.

Then there is the "Lifestyle commitment", with which all employees must agree to abide.

I read through it and as I went along I thought, "Okay, I could do this".

It states:
Employees should do only those things that glorify God. I'm certainly in favor of that.
Employees must abstain from alcoholic beverages. I drink wine these days, but in moderation and I quit drinking for ten years so I could live with that.
No tobacco: No problem.
No non-medical use of narcotics: Been there, done that, no desire to see the replay.
No unwholesome media materials: Personally I think most media is unwholesome, but I figure that's subjective and they're probably referring to porn, so that's not an issue.
No gambling: That'll save us some money.
No dancing: Amy will be crushed, since we've been dancing exactly ZERO times since I've known her, but I could probably survive as long as foot tapping is allowed.
Respect the Lord's day: No problem here, assuming this is not a prohibition on watching football on Sundays.
Dress appropriately: Believe me the more of me I keep covered the better I feel and those feelings are echoed by everyone around me.
No racism, disrespect, or unethical conduct: I'm home free.

We're coming down to the wire..only two words left in the whole "Lifestyle commitment" pledge!

No irreverence:

DOH! That one might be a deal breaker :)

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

McGONE

Well, I've lost the top spot on Google when you search for McGriddle recipe. I'm not even on the list anymore, and only last week I was number one. Fame is so fleeting.

I'm now setting my sights on being number one when I egosurf Google for Michael Main. There are lots of Michael Main's, but the guy who is always ranked at the top is a computer science teacher in Colorado. I sent him an email once that said something clever like: "Nice name."

I'm currently ranked at number three.

This makes perfect Google sense, since his website is: www.cs.colorado.edu/~main/.

And mine is the far more confusing: www.michaelmain.com

STILL HERE

On a brighter note, the scientists who told us yesterday that we all might die in less than a dozen years because an asteroid might hit the earth, now say they were wrong. Hopefully you hadn't already made plans to flee.

TWO MINUTES?

I woke up two minutes before my alarms (yes, plural...I use two alarms because I'm a paranoid freak about waking up) were scheduled to go off this morning. I hate it when that happens. I like cracking my eyelids, rolling over and coming to the blurry realization that I still have some time to sleep. It's wonderful when there's about another hour. Two minutes? That stinks.

I do play time games with my clocks, they're set 20 minutes fast. I do this because I don't want to face the fact I wake up at 1:45, so my alarm is set for 2:04 and my clock is set ahead.

You wake up at 1:45 for 15 or 20 years before rushing to judgment on whether I'm sane or not.

I can't play the snooze button shuffle, I don't want to be repeatedly "alarmed" plus it would be annoying for Amy, but I can finesse myself back into oblivion with the knowledge that I have ten more minutes of slumber if I happen to wake up in advance of the alarms.

I can even fudge five.

Two minutes...120 lousy seconds? Might as well get up.
====
Florida will execute Paul Hill tonight. The former minister murdered two men, one an abortion doctor. Hill is unrepentant. This is the quote from him which we aired over and over this morning, "I expect a great reward in heaven. I am looking forward to glory. I don't feel remorse."

I'm against abortion. I'm pro-life. I waver on the death penalty, but I'm opposed to murder. I also dislike giving murderers air time, no matter how well spoken they may be, but today I made the decision to put Hill's comments on the air.

He got more far more minutes of attention than he deserved.

And I do feel remorse...

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

MIGHT I BEND YOUR EAR?

"My name is Michael and I dog ear books."

Our kids freaked out when they first saw me bending pages of newly purchased books. I never use bookmarks. I keep track of my place by folding the tops of pages, and I will often mark poignant passages which I think I may want to return to, by bending the bottom of pages.

For the record, I don't mar the sheeted sanctity of books that I have borrowed - my mother was a librarian and 30+ years after her death her stare can still haunt the back of my neck. Nonetheless, I've always felt books should be manhandled. We should chew on the writer's words and consume their meanings to our lives. To me that type of devouring should leave a messy trail. We should savor and swallow, spit out crumbs, and I find no offense at the occasional droppings of the wisdom we have digested.

I do draw the line at writing in books though. With the exception of the Bible, I find it distracting to pick up someone's book and find scribblings in the margins or words underlined.

The other day I purchased a book of some of the writings of Thomas Merton. It was on sale in the "next to nothing section" of Barnes and Noble. By the way, if you aspire to write for the Christian community don't ever go into Barnes and Noble, it's depressing.

Anyway, for the under-educated like me, Merton was many things: A Catholic priest, a monk, a highly influential writer, and a peace advocate. He died in some freak accident, electrocuted in a bathtub, which has nothing to with anything, but I like little facts like that.

I'm sure there are many things I will disagree with or not understand in Merton's writings, but one thing he wrote literally stunned me by its simplistic reality.

"The discovery of Christ is never genuine if it is nothing but a flight from ourselves...it cannot be an escape. It must be a fulfillment."

When I read that I grabbed a pen and underlined it. I folded the page too.

DEEP NEED BENDS

I wincingly rolled out of bed and into the ibuprophen this morning.

"Bend at the knees!"

That's something my mind yells at me on regular occasions to remind me that I have back problems. Of course, one of my many personal flaws is that I ignore this advice too often. In fact I really only hear it clearly when my back is searing in pain and even then it's drowned out a bit by my periodic screams.

I came home from work and spent a few hours on my back....I was feeling better until I got up and read this little day brightener.

An asteroid may be headed for Earth. It could hit in 2014. How nice. The odds are like 900,000 to one, but then again those are better odds than what are offered by the Texas lottery and I've actually wagered money thinking I might have a shot at winning that. Wouldn't that be just my luck?

Maybe someone else is telling us:

"Bend at the knees!"

Monday, September 01, 2003

TWO FLEW OUT OF THE CUCKOOS NEST

Dear Children,

Please bring bed rolls or air mattresses when you come home to visit. We love you, but we've decided paying a mortgage to maintain shrines to your childhoods is a symptom of insanity. You should be proud of us, it's one of the few symptoms we've recognized without you pointing them out to us.

Your memories are still in the house. In boxes. In closets. In the garage. There are some exceptions. The waterbed in Joey's room is no more. The crusty mattress dating back to my college years was hauled off today. The wood I saved. We converted some of it into a workbench for Amy's computer business today. The rest we'll probably make into shelves. Oh, we also converted Joey's room to hold the workbench and the shelves. Additionally that area now hosts the inventory for Amy's Tastefully Simple business .

Technically this means Joey doesn't have a room here any more....however his Mom now has an office.
He's such a giving son.

This also means we saw something shocking in the upstairs family room today...the floor. I'm still learning how to negotiate my way to the stairs without having to hop, lean, and slither, but I'm fairly certain I'll get the hang of it.

Not to worry, we still have some actual bedding available. There are the day beds in Lisa's room.

She's only been away at college a week, give us time.

We also have a Papasan chair in Tiffany's old room, at least until Erin comes back from China and reclaims it. I've never slept in a Papasan chair, but I hear they're comfortable...if you're a small Chinese person. We sold Tiffany's bed some time ago to a woman with little children. She had a big need and a small budget, it seemed the Christian thing to do...and she paid cash.

We still have a pullout couch right next to my 1939 radio downstairs. There's no privacy in that room, but besides the radio, that's also where the piano and the wine cabinet are, so privacy might become less of an issue as the night wears on...if you bring sheet music and a corkscrew.

Upstairs we still also have the futon (futon being the Japanese word for: houseguests discouraged).
Admittedly, the futon smells like dog, but if you end up sleeping there you likely won't notice that ...since Klondike will probably snuggle up next to you....



All 90 pounds of him. You're welcome to tell him "NO!" It's not a word he knows, but I've found it somewhat cathartic over the years to yell it in his direction.

It's sad in many ways to see your kids grow up. To realize that Amy and I are entering a new season in life. However today I feel like we've seen some possibilities amid the pain.

Apparently, the nestlings aren't the only ones who can spread their wings with this empty nest syndrome thing.

Sunday, August 31, 2003

IN FLIGHT

Home from church. Off to see friends this afternoon. Thinking of a power nap in betweeen..

I write as a daily discipline but today I'm being a slacker.
Spotted a tiny butterfly as I walked some trash to the dumpster at church.
In some warped way I'm claiming the butterfly's freedom as my own today.

I'm dashing out these few words...and flying.