Saturday, August 16, 2003

Shadows, Light and Sisters In Prayer

One of my sisters-in-law growls at shadows and chases light trails.

Actually she's not really my sister in law, she's Amy's parents dog, Kasha.



Amy's real sister, Lisa, calls Kasha her sister, because Kasha is sometimes treated to the spoiling pleasures often bestowed upon a surprise child couples have after their first batch of children are fully grown. My in-laws have found love to share with her, and Kasha returns it...most of the time.

Anyway, if Kasha sees a light beam moving across the floor, she will chase it. She stalks them with all the ferocity a Westie can muster. It's quirky behavior. One of those unexpected discoveries about your pet, which you at first exploit for amusement, then try to stop...then ignore or tolerate. Nowadays my in-laws often don't notice Kasha stealthily pursuing light beams, it's simply accepted behavior.

I'm glad shine stalking is part of Kasha's personality. She reminds me that it's okay to pursue sunbeams.

I think we should encourage each other to do that more often, there is light to be seen even in shadows.

Ecclesiastes 8:15
So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.

Kelley's mom passed away last night. Gail's death was not unexpected, she had cancer.

We have prayed every Sunday in church for Gail and for Kelley. I pray for them daily including them in my prayers for my sister-in-law Mary Kay who also has cancer. I spoke with Mary Kay today, she's doing well...sounding upbeat. She's completed chemo and radiation. There is more surgery ahead, and then she will wait for no news...and she will continue to pray.

I know Kelley prayed long and hard for a miracle. When Kelley first learned of her mother's prognosis she was devastated and withdrawn, but she prayed. She prayed her mother would be cured. She prayed the cancer wouldn't spread. She prayed her mother would have more time. She prayed a lot of prayers, and her mom died.

In the past months, Kelley has devoted herself to her mother, driving hundreds of miles every weekend, taking time off work during the week. Charting her medications, changing her clothes, feeding her, dealing hands-on with the unpleasantries of helplessness, as well as coping with an onslaught of well meaning friends and relations.

She knew her mom's death was inevitable but she still asked for prayer.

Her mom was 57.

Today I'm thinking about prayer. The nature of it. The disappointment of it.

Why didn't God cure Kelley's mom? I don't know. Were all those prayers worthless? No, they weren't.

Pretty bold fella, care to back that up?

I say those prayers had value and meaning with brazen assuredness.

A couple of weeks ago Kelley and I talked and she said, "You know sometimes I come out of my mother's room after having cared for her, seeing her wasting away and I think, ' How did I get through that?'. I do things I never thought I was capable of doing. I handle situations that, when I think about them, make me break down in tears. I wondered for a while about where the strength was coming from to deal with all this, and then I remembered...prayer."

I will continue to pray for my sister-in-law Mary Kay. I will pray for healing and strength.
I will pray for Kelley and her family, that they may grieve and go on living.

I don't expect God to change reality, I expect Him to change me.

You see, I will remember my sister-in-law Kasha too.

I will not curse the darkness and shadows, I will chase the light.

Friday, August 15, 2003

THE ANSWERS MY FRIEND

My friend, Erin, is serving God in China. She's been pretty isolated in the small village where she's teaching thanks to proximity, SARS, and her duties. However over the past few weeks she's been able to explore a bit more of the seemingly infinite intricacies of this ancient land she's committed to calling home for three years.

She has seen the big




       And the small.



Hard to tell which had the most impact.

Erin is young, only a few years older than Tiffany. She is quiet and gentle but has a wonderfully adventuresome spirit. It's a joy to get her emails.

Thank you Lord for Erin. She reminded me today of the power in Your tender breath.

Psalm 107:29

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

A MEETING OF MINDLESS

I'm trying to shake myself free of corporate malaise.
I'm caught in this Dilbert-like world where people use words like "paradigm" and "line extension" and suddenly find myself a drafted member of something called a "Synergy Content Team".

They want to have meetings. Color me rebellious but I'd rather actually take action instead of talk about ways to take action.

Does anyone in this "the process is more important than the outcome" mindset ever schedule a doing instead of a meeting?

Maybe doings don't even have to be scheduled. Perhaps we could just do them!

Thanks for letting me vent...It could have been worse.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

DEATH BE NOT LOUD

I seem to have written a lot about death in recent months. Bill, Pastor Eddie, and little E.J.

These were all grievous life gripping events snarled in a shared sudden chaos.

Now someone else whom I loved has died. Her name was Mabel. She was the sister of Silvey Harris, who also went to be with God this year.



This picture does not do Mabel justice, but it's all I have handy. Make no mistake, she was old and frail...but in many ways she was hearty and stout.

Mabel always caught me, and many others, off guard. She was ever nimble in her wit. She knew it, and she knew many people didn't expect her to be so quick, so funny, so full of life.

It always surprised me. She was so small, so old...so feisty.

Mabel lived and Mabel laughed.

And she also served.

Mabel never married. She spent most of her prime years of life caring for her elderly parents until they died. Then Mabel needed something to do, so she started caring for another elderly couple until they passed away. It made no sense to point out to her that the people she was caring for were actually younger than she was.


Mabel died last night. She was 99.

99 years of laughter and service. Such an honorable life.

I will miss Mabel, but I will not mourn.

Father God, enjoy Mabel...we certainly did.

"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."

-Julie Burchill

KISS OF THE SPIDERWOMAN

I guess I shouldn't be too cavalier in referencing Amy's spider bite here. I've gotten some very sweet comments of concern from folks in the trackless blogiverse.

Yes, the brown recluse is an especially nasty spider, but it's my understanding that's partially because people tend to ignore the bite initially and then the situation can get very bad. As I mentioned, despite my flippant counsel urging Amy not to pay attention to her symptoms, she went to a doctor fairly soon. She's on antibiotics and the doc seems to think she'll feel lousy for a while, but she's in no serious danger.

Right now, the bite is manifesting itself in the form of a cool looking mark resembling a hurricane on a radar image, and a fairly steady fever. The fever spikes at times resulting in Amy spiralling, but unlike a hurricane, the movement is downward. We have faith that like most things, this will pass in time.

Disappointingly, the doctor also told her she wouldn't get any superpowers. A wife who could spin webs and swing around skyscrapers does have a certain attraction to me, but it's probably best I not explore that fantasy.

Although it's not quite as exotic as having a superheroine wife, there is an upside to this....each morning I'm in the habit of giving Amy a kiss. It's not an Al and Tipper moment or anything, simply a quick touch of our lips to let her know I love her as I leave for the office. She's usually half asleep if not comatose when this occurs since it's always at an hour when no sane person is awake, but it's meaningful to both of us.

Now, I kiss her lips, but also her forehead. Sure I'm checking for fever, but I'm also doubling up on the love.

I was caught in Amy's web long ago.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

LECTOR BENEVOLE

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.

BIBERE VENENUM IN AURO


Amy is still fighting against the venom of her brown recluse spider bite. It's frightening to observe as her body wrestles against the poison. She's getting better but there are bad moments. Amazing how the little things often humble us most.

LUSUS NATURAE

I wrote recently about my memories of the State Fair of Texas but now I see the definition of Freak Show is changing.

What's next? Sushi frito pies?

ARCANA IMPERII

Spent today in a meeting with my counterparts from the television side of our operation. It's always a challenge, first to stay awake since no one schedules meetings around my work hours, and second not to strangle anyone.

I kept my hands off the necks within reach, kept my eyes open and suppressed powerpoint presentation inspired yawns. I subsequently managed to get through the meeting and even found new ways to restate the same things I've said during the past 11 months of meetings. Of course I received multiple assurances that my ideas were substantive, brilliant and imminently implementable.

I didn't receive assurance that they would be implemented, but one can't aim too high.

I pray one day for the collective revelation that most of our issues could be resolved by holding fewer meetings...one day.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

GOODNESS

I'm communing with Paul Harvey's trademark sign off.

This is a good day.

First, Amy appears to be feeling better after being bitten by a brown recluse spider.



I also feel better knowing that my initial comments of "stop looking up spider bites on the Internet and you'll be fine" didn't result in her dying or having her leg amputated.

Luckily Amy has learned a lot during the course of our marriage... primarily to ignore me.

Our doctor confirmed her Internet diagnosis and she's properly medicated.

There remains cause for concern...I'm still wandering around unrestrained.

Second, compared to the past few weeks it's relatively cool in San Antonio, we may get pounded by thunderstorms this afternoon but right now it's breezy and nice.

Third, I stumbled across the knowledge that a new Tom Clancy book is out, so I'll be scrunched up reading shortly. By the way, that link is to Amazon.com but it's cheaper at Sam's...16 bucks.

Fourth, I found this story.

Whose butt would Jesus Kick?

I love this approach to ministry actually. Too often I think we Christians cloister ourselves in the name of piety but in reality we're barricading ourselves from opportunity.

Kick a little butt for Christ....works for me.

Off topic: I considered writing about patience today...but right now I'm anxious to begin reading my Clancy novel so that will have to wait.

"Good day".

Monday, August 11, 2003

This isn't a joke




The George W. Bush action figure...the only thing that comes to mind is how thankful I am they didn't put one of these out for Bill Clinton.

Then again maybe they did...just in different toy stores.

WAYNES

Anyone still doubting the validity of "The Wayne Axiom?"

One Wayne, Two Waynes, Three Waynes, Four.

You'll feel safer without a Wayne next door.

JERRY KIDS

I sat down Saturday night to watch the Cowboy's first pre-season game. I have to admit that miniscule blob of cells in the far back of my brain which has managed to cling to a fragment of optimism about Dallas was hopeful that I might see some spark, some iota of ability.
Just a tidbit of talent.

Then it all came back.

A ballet of buffoonery.

When does Spurs season start?

ANOTHER STINKER

This guy probably makes the Cowboys smell good.

DON'T THINK OF ELEPHANTS

For some reason I started thinking about white wall tires yesterday. I got it in my head to count the number of cars with whitewall tires I saw on the way to church. There were two. Both were big old clunkers. Both were parked and appeared not to have been driven. When did whitewall tires fall out of fashion? Why were they in fashion in the first place?

I know this is a weird thing to suddenly start wondering about, but at least now you're going to wonder about it too.

.

Sorry if it drives you crazy.

Lunacy loves company.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

TRANSLATIONAL HEALING

Well, so much for my predictions of a slightly more disorganized worship service. Everything went well today, even though the turnout was down substantially. To me the head count was of no matter. It only mattered that four people were there: Bill, our conscripted Pastor, as well as John, Denise and their son.

Bill's sermon touched on a subtle difference in translations from John 14 . The NIV version of John 14:3 reads:"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

The King James says:"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."

John, Denise and Garrett sat on the front row and heard every word. I have to believe that Bill's addressing of the translation subtleties went a long way toward explaining the inexplicable, comforting the inconsolable, answering the unanswerable.

It will not right their outrage and anger. The feelings of resentment they still harbor towards God because of the loss of two children will not disappear, but I think God used Bill today to nudge the door to healing open a small bit further. Hopefully that will make it easier for them to one day walk through that door and be received.

MARIA...MARIA..

I read this story with interest:

NBC's Maria Shriver has requested a leave of absence from her post as an occasional anchor and correspondent on ''Dateline,'' saying she wanted to avoid any appearance of a conflict of interest following the decision by her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to run for California governor in the Oct. 7 recall election.

Praise God! Maybe now the woman will have to make the rubber chicken banquet circuit and eat something!

Everytime I see her on TV I wait for flies to land on her face and an 800 number to flash on the screen saying for only 50 cents a day I could feed her.




So take some butter Maria..spread it with your knife
Say, "I'll have seconds sir." Gotta start a new life


(Sung to the tune of "Take a letter Maria")