Saturday, May 24, 2003

SORROW STONES

Psalm 69:29
I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me


Would you lay with me in a field of stone, if my needs were strong, would you lay with me.*

There was only one date on her grave: February 11, 2000. The tiny stone lay in a grassy sea of mournful memories. The graves of children.

Will you still love me when I'm down and out, in my time of trial, would you stand by me.

Her name was Marie and I stood above her headstone today a few feet away from her brother's tiny casket. Her Mom, Dad, brother and step-sister were crouched beside the ivory coffin, holding each other, crying in anguish.

Would you go away to another land, walk a thousand miles through the burning sand, wipe the blood away from my dying hand, if I give myself to you.

A tiny frayed bunny sits atop Marie's headstone...now her tiny brother rests nearby.

Would you lay with me in the stream of life when the moon is full, would you bathe with me...

So much heartbreak today, acknowledged in a field of sorrow. A preacher said uncomfortable words of comfort that will be quickly forgotten. There are no adequate words, we all knew that.

Everett Joseph was born and died.

There will be only one date on his headstone too: May 22, 2003.

Would you lay with me in a field of stone, if my needs were strong, would you lay with me...

This is the ugly grimace of grief. No one ever wants to look at it directly, yet we all must...if we are ever to look beyond it.




*"Would you lay with me"-David Allen Coe

Friday, May 23, 2003

WINGING IT

The death of John and Denise's child last night overshadowed my emotions for Lisa. Her "hero's dinner" was the most meaningful "pre-graduation" event I have attended in recent weeks albeit the competition wasn't that stiff. It was also Lisa's last real event at high school since she's not required to attend classes any longer.

So much attention has been focused on these kids' achievements, I found it moving to hear them acknowledge that they were indebted to others for their accomplishments. Lisa chose to name as her "hero" her instructor for private oboe lessons, Mrs. McKeithen, who has guided her for the past four years. Lisa "winged" her speech honoring her, but she did great in conveying the message that this woman helped her harness her musical talents while at the same time encouraging her to unleash them.




I hope it helped Lisa understand that she will soar in the years ahead in part because she's so well grounded.

SIDE NOTE:: The banquet meal: fajitas. They were excellent. Who knew?
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WINGING IT SOLO

Tiffany stopped by the house this morning while I was at the hospital. I called as she was preparing to leave, to drive to Mexico. To drive INTO Mexico. Her roommate from college is from Mexico and Tiffany is going there to visit for a few days. I NEVER drive into Mexico. I fear the traffic; I fear the crazy laws; I fear the Federales; I have irrational fears of bandits screaming, "Badges? We don't need to stinkin' badges!". When I shared my fears with Amy she reminded me that Tiffany is fearless. Then I learned Tiffany has driven into Mexico on several occasions before...we just didn't know.

I thought once again of the barn swallows who share our front porch. Their babies poked their heads out as I was leaving for New Braunfels last night.





There is no option...when they leave the nest, they're going to fly...

OFFERINGS

Somewhat consumed today with the inconceivable anguish facing John and Denise. Stopped by the hospital on my way home from the office. John had shifted gears into "stoic" mode, focusing all his attentions on Denise. I hugged him. I hugged Denise. I reminded them both that no one expected them not to be angry...not to grieve. No one even expected them not to doubt God right now.

However I do expect them to understand that Amy and I aren't going to let them do those things alone. We are going to be "in their face" loving them. It was all I could offer.

Where is God in these situations?
That's what's scary and that's what's reassuring. God is where we've always said He is...in our strength...in our love.

"We are the body of Christ"

PSALM 59:16
But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

HEROES AND HEARTBREAK

They named him Everett Joseph and were going to call him E.J.

He was born tonight. He died tonight.

I was preparing to leave for Lisa's "Hero's Dinner" when the call came...my friend John. I didn't recognize his voice. I could hear only his pain.

John's wife, Denise, was in "full blown labor". He didn't have to say anything more. I knew.

Denise was 22 weeks along. The pregnancy was a surprise and a blessing, but it had also been shrouded in the dark whisper of fear. Several years ago John and Denise lost another baby, eight and half months into the pregnancy.

A little girl.

E.J. was born as I sat at Lisa's dinner without her mother by my side. Amy was instead in a hospital delivery room beside Denise as she became a mother again.

E.J. died as I drove home from the banquet sobbing and thanking God for the blessing of healthy children.

I pray that John and Denise will eventually be able to carry these wounds with grace. They will always be wounds..they will never be scars. From this you do not heal.

Why would God allow such suffering? I do not know.

I do know I believe in God.

I know at times like tonight I will have to believe without all the answers.


PSALM 119:28

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

DEFINING MOMENTS

SPURSPIRATION
: The sudden onset of a clammy feeling of fear and dread when you realize despite having a 28 point lead, the Spurs could still blow it.

Some tense moments last night. The Mavericks are freakish, not only in their appearance, but in their uncanny ability to fling in shots down the stretch. I was glad the Spurs held them off, but if they keep up this trend of grabbing big leads only to let them slip away, I may need:

SPURDICATIONS: Drugs to help you cope with a hometown team that displays symptoms of schizophrenia.
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CONFLIGRADUATION: The realization that if the Spurs don't win the next three games (assuming the Mavericks don't either) that "game six" of the Western Conference Finals will conflict with Lisa's graduation ceremony.

I have faith...and a pocket radio.
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INSPAMATION: Supposed inspirational information sent via email.

I find the amount of "Christian Spam" I receive fascinating. Virtually all of it is well meaning. Virtually all of it is worthless too.

Many friends send, or more likely forward, emails detailing stories of inspiration, digital photos of "miracles" and the like. Some are "prayers" that will be answered if only I will forward them to ten of my other friends. The emails tell me forwarding them will prove I love Jesus. Some even say I should send them back to the sender to prove I love them!

What is the message Christians are really sending with emails like these? It sounds like we're very fragile ..worse yet, it sounds like our faith is fragile too.

BELIEVABOLD: Having strong faith in God and your convictions enabling you to delete that stuff not forward it.
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INDIGESTIPATION: The gnawing realization that another "banquet' meal is in your future.

Tonight Lisa has her "Hero's dinner". Yet another pre-graduation banquet! Not sure what this meal will involve, but there are only two caterers in New Braunfels and I don't think they've been saving the best for last.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Explain to me why any audio tape that is sent to Al Jazeera which features someone saying "kill Americans" is the lead story on ABC news? Is it news to anyone that Muslim terrorists want to kill us? ABC News Tonight not only led with the story but also listed off "suggested targets" presumably for those of us who don't speak Arabic or are too lazy to listen to the tape and take our own notes.
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Does anyone believe in polls? I refuse to write most stories that cross my desk about "poll results" because I don't know what the respondents were really asked. I've seen polls this week claiming Americans believe they will eventually be eating catfood (the cheap stuff not Tender Vittles) because of President Bush's handling of the economy, to teenagers saying everyone they know has had sex before they were 16.

I don't believe either. Yes, I think a lot of folks think the economy is in the dumper. I don't think most Americans "blame" President Bush...unless you ask them to blame someone. Who are they going to blame if you frame a question that way? " Well, personally I blame frankfurter salesmen for the economic problems facing America". If there's only one target, it's a cheap shot.

Do you really think teenagers tell the truth about sex? Really? Does anyone really think that?
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Tonight's biggest poll will be the results of "American Idol". I have to admit I have never watched a full episode of this show, but I heard audio today of the two finalists singing. I like the scrawny guy.
A former colleague now works for SBC and tells me call volumes rivaled that of a national disaster last night because of people voting for their American Idol favorite.

I guess it doesn't qualify as a national disaster...but we obviously have a lot of idle Americans.
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WORSHIPPING FROM AFAR

Having to cancel tonight's tribal dance / seance / Spurs idolatry session at our house despite the previous announcement that attendance would be mandatory. Amy and I are putting on our war paint and heading to the front lines of the battle instead.

WE HAVE TICKETS!!!

Getting tickets was very last minute and very unexpected. I like to think of it as God's sense of humor showing again. The ORANGE ALERT terror advisory I made light of yesterday, will probably mean I'll be strip searched going into the SBC center tonight.


I am confident the Spurs will win this evening. I'm hopeful Stephen Jackson will be properly medicated finally. It's time he realized the distinction between being offensive, and playing offense.

I'm also hoping tonight's contest will more closely resemble a professional basketball game than did Monday's nationally televised game of "Whack-A-Mole".

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

FOUL MOOD

Still in a post-Spurs fog. The NBA will hopefully issue a mandate never to allow another game like last night's to take place. Nearly 100 fouls make for a very long game...and a very boring game. There were more whistles last night than are heard at construction sites next to the Playboy mansion.

ORANGE FEAR

The "terror alert" has been raised again. We're back to "Orange". Faithful readers of this blog (both of you) may recall that an "Orange Alert" doesn't inspire any new level of fear for me. Really there are no fruits which frighten me, with the possible exception of Richard Simmons and even he isn't that scary.

"Orange Alert" sounds like it should be the name of a soft drink marketed to truckers or teen boys who want to stay up all night playing video games.

Since I am certain I'm not alone in my "orange alert ennui" I've taken it upon myself to help the government heighten the public's respect for "orange" by finding a face to put on these Orange Alerts which drives home the gravity of the situation:




WALK IT OFF

I read today that the government is working on a way to identify terror suspects by "the way they walk". We're really spending money on this? I can see it now, a government agency devoted to watching people walk. Actually now that I think of it, I have seen it. In a Monty Python skit!


Oh well, the fog and my mood are lifting. Time for my daily walk. If anyone from the government is watching I hope they're listening too. As I wheeze and wobble around the neighborhood, I'm planning to sing a little ditty:

(Sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle")

Orange is the color of
So many things I see.
Would you like to sing a little
Orange song with me?
Orange juice and orange cheese,
Orange carrots, if you please.
Orange pumpkins, orange leaves,
Let's sing a song of orange!


Excuse me, Miss?

The Spurs had their chance last night, but they missed. They missed free throws and they missed the opportunity to beat Dallas in game one.

Me, I missed a lot of sleep.
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Our complete contingent of Spurs worshippers was not present last night....attendence will be mandatory on Wednesday.
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I'm a believer in failure. I think it helps you grow if you fail a little along the way. So today there are new opportunities. The first I'm taking advantage of is the opportunity to snag another cup of coffee.


"time and chance happen to them all."

Monday, May 19, 2003

FINAL BEGINNINGS

The NBA's Western Conference Finals begin tonight. The Spurs vs The Mavericks. The start of this finals series will be tempered a bit for me this evening though, knowing our close friends have made the heart wrenching decision that their old dog has reached the finals too. He was no longer living a quality life and they were forced to help him along to end his pain.

They suffered in order to end his suffering.

These are dear Christian friends and I know they will remember the nobility of such decisions because they learned them from their Master.

It's the most underrated beverage

"Water, it's the most underrated beverage"- A wise man I know stated that once... actually a few more times than that.

I was thinking of water today as I looked at the bottled water I bought at Walmart over the weekend which boasts "minerals added". Weren't minerals in the water before they sent it through whatever gizmos they send water through to bottle it? For that matter isn't a more common word for minerals....dirt?

Speaking of dirty water....I noticed a story in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram today talking about the water in Denton County ( Denton home to the college I attended aimlessly for 6 to 12 years-who remembers the 70's?).

Anyway, they've discovered that in the wetlands behind the City of Denton's water treatment plant, a small number of "male fish" are in effect switching teams.

Some of the male fish are developing female traits.

Apparently the water is being contaminated by hormones, specifically estrogen. The source? Um.. to put this delicately... chemicals are passing through women's bodies as a result of the use of birth control pills and hormone replacement therapy drugs and into the wastewater.

No one seems especially concerned about this, including the switch hitting fish.
You see other chemicals have been found in the water, chemicals like Prozac.
Apparently the fish don't care if they suddenly find themselves swimming in an all-girls school.


Sunday, May 18, 2003

Oh my aching Baccalaureate

It's getting easier. The Baccalaureate was a breeze...any pre-graduation ceremony that is under an hour rates pretty high in my book these days. The added bonus was this was held in a church, with actual chairs made for big people and no bleachers. I think it's the first event I've been to in three weeks that wasn't held in a gymnasium or civic center and where the chairs were padded.

We did have some initial moments of dread. We thought the priest delivering the sermon was the same one who spoke at Joey's baccalaureate. Amy and I don't specifically remember why he inspired such dread, but we both seem to retain some lingering mental scarring from him in any case. I've heard the mind uses amnesia as a mechanism of defense in the event of torture...and evidently sermons, not that those two are mutually exclusive of each other.

Amnesia apparently does not kick in for alien abductions by the way, since everyone who claims to have been abducted by E.T. seems to remember every probing detail, but I digress.

Anyway, this was a different priest (I can't discern the differences between Catholics and Episcopalians from a distance). His remarks weren't very enlightening, but he had an Irish brogue which adds charm to almost anything with the possible exception of the jingle for that deoderant soap.

Lisa delivered the benediction.



She was brief and still inspirational. No brogue necessary. There's a reason she's in the top ten of her class.
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Speaking of Irish: I saw this today in a column written by Peter Laurie (not the dead actor with the big eyes) in a Barbados newspaper (I don't know why I was reading it either so don't ask). Anyway, I thought it was cute...it'll probably get circulated in ten zillion emails eventually, so you might as well see it now:

Was Jesus Black . . . Or Irish? Go As You Please

I feel Jesus was black.

Look, he called everyone "brother", he liked Gospel; and he couldn't get a fair trial.

On the other hand, you could argue he was Jewish. He went into His Father's business; his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.

But there is also compelling evidence he was Irish. He loved green pastures; he was a great storyteller; and he would turn water into alcohol at the drop of a hat.

But my wife dismissed all that as nonsense. If you go by the evidence, she said, he was clearly a woman. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food; he kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of stupid men who just didn't get it; and even when he was dead he had to get up because there was more work to be done.

IT'S ALL A BLUR

Not much time for writing today, which is a good thing, since I'm really lacking any specific inspiration. Unfortunately for you that's not stopping me. We're leaving in a few minutes for Lisa's baccalaureate, pre-graduation event #318 for those of you keeping score at home.

I can't help but be in a "countdown" mode. I'm not sure who's looking forward to graduation more, Lisa or me.

I think after today we're down to two events: the actual graduation ceremony, and a "Hero's dinner". The students pick a teacher or someone else in their life they regard as instrumental in their development. It would seem like a ripe opportunity for change but I'm told to expect more banquet food...I was hoping for hero sandwiches.