I Coulda Been An Eliminator
I promise I'll post pictures of the Gomez family shower, but right now I'm killing time for a few minutes watching "Alias" with Amy and I want to edit some of the many photos from the shower before I post them.
Amy has been telling me about Jeff Yagher - a B-list actor with whom she went to high school and who was featured in the last episode of Alias we watched...featured for about 43 seconds. Anytime Amy sees Jeff Yagher in something...and he's been in a multitude of things...she recounts her high school "relationship" with Jeff in which they "kissed." I believe that was the extent of the relationship...in fact I think his role in the episode of Alias actually lasted longer. Jeff Yagher's brother, Kevin, is also a famous make-up artist...think "Tales from the Crypt." He is the same age as Amy and was in her graduating class.
None of this has much to do with anything except I almost made it onto TV sort of...as a serial killer. Actually, I was never up for a role or anything, but Monty Williams, a reporter I worked with briefly in Austin many years ago eventually became a speech writer for Ann Richards and other Texas politicos and that naturally led him some years later to a similar career...making up stories and writing fiction for TV shows in Hollywood.
The last time I spoke with Monty he was writing for a new "cop" show and enjoying some success...the fact that I don't remember the name of the cop show is indicative of how long that particular success lasted. Anyway, during the course of our conversation I asked him if he could do me one favor. I asked that in a future episode of the now forgotten cop show he name whatever heinous bad guy character Michael Main...or more specifically Michael "Wayne" Main.
I've written many times about my "Wayne theory" or what my family members and fellow believers call the "Wayne Axiom" but suffice it say I believe people named Wayne are predestined to lives of crime. Usually they become mass murderers and such.
My friend Monty promised he would try his best to grant my request, but alas his show was cancelled shortly thereafter...I'm not sure if Jeff Yahger even had a chance to audition.
However the memory made me think of the guy in Columbus, Ohio who is lobbying hard to be cast as a "dead guy" on a TV show like Law & Order. There are a lot of "dead guys" on TV and apparently he's actually landed a role as a corpse in a "b"...okay maybe "c" movie. Who knows...he could be off on a new career to rival Jeff Yagher's...except he'll never be allowed to kiss Amy.
Of course if there are any Hollywood horror writers out there reading this...feel free to use the name Michael "Wayne" Main...no charge.
posted by Michael
©The Main Point by Michael Main
3 Comments
3 Comments:
Centerville High School, junior year (he was a senior!), in the hallway outside of the "theater" (It was used for more than just plays... including "every 3 seconds, someone dies from [insert horrible disease] resulting from [insert horrible habit]. It was either smoking or STDs.
Yes, I say it every time I see him on TV.... "hey, I kissed him once!" My kids will say, even before the words pass my lips, "yes, MOTHER, we know you kissed him once). I was a tad boy crazy, as I'm sure my mother will confirm in a comment if she gets a chance. And she'll say, "a TAD?" My poor mother, the things I put her through. Sorry, getting off track here.
For a high-school-junior nobody, it was a pretty big thing to be kissed by the guy who was probably B-estMOC. And considering one of my last "relationships" ended because the guy, Chris E., only wanted to go out with me because he wanted to be close to the boyfriend of one of my best friends, it was a huge ego boost for me. It didn't hit me until eons later that they were both gay (our ex-boyfriends, not Jeff Yagher). I was a "tad" naive in those days.
Lest you all think the Yagher boys are nobodies, I'll list some of their work. But here's the biggie -- Jeff was originally cast in the role of Officer Tom Hanson in 21 Jump Street. Check it out on The Internet Movie Database (my absolute favorite resource on web). The story, as it has been passed from generation to generation is that it was offered to Johnny Depp, he turned it down, Jeff got it, then Depp (bastage) came back and said, "OK." That show gave him his career on a silver platter.
Ya gotta hand it to Jeff... he's always had some sort of work in TV or movies, however lackluster the show or movie may have been. Here are a few of the highlights (besides his 45 seconds as the guy who got duct taped by Sydney Bristow in Alias:
40s man in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" (his real-life wife played "40s woman)
Hoyt in several episodes of "Six Feet Under"
Dorothy in "My Fellow Americans"
Iden in the two-parter, Flesh & Blood, in "Start Trek: Voyager"
Kyle Bates - boyfriend of "the star child" in "V: The Series"
He was also a co-writer of "Guardian" starring Mario Van Peebles, Ice-T, and a few other people we don't care about.
Kevin is married to Catherine Hicks of 7th Heaven. We sat at the same table for our 10th high school reunion in 1990 - I believe that was the year they got married.
Kevin is more a behind-the-scenes kind of guy and has done more than "Tales from the Crypt." His make-up/special effects company (Kevin Yagher Productions)has done some amazing things. You can find him here.
Some notable stuff... and a lot of it is pretty cool (his company did either make-up or special effects in these. What's funny is, he did quite a few things for Johnny Depp, the guy who stole his brother's career)
Face/Off - awesome, right?
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
Some of the Chucky movies
Mission: Impossible II
Adaptation
Blow
Sleepy Hollow
Tales from the Crypt (won an Emmy for one of these)
The Fan
Some of the Nightmare on Elm St. movies
Radio Flyer
Cocoon
These, my friends, are my brushes with greatness. Plus my favorite -- I could have been born in Phil Donahue's car, and I threw up in his house on my birthday. Now HE would remember me.
Wow! I am really impressed, and I think most especially by the kissing thing. The main guy I kissed in high school (you wouldn't know him) is totally dead now. I knew how to pick em, huh? :)
As far as greatness goes, I am something like third cousins with David McCallum, of the Man from UNCLE. My father was born in Kilsyth, Scotland, where David's from (the dinkiest little town in the world...). Dad explained the relationship to me when I was a kid, and I wrote David a letter, sure that he would want to hook up with his long-lost relatives.
I'm still waiting to hear back.
On a happier note, there's a certain episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in which Holmes Osborne appears. It's the one where Ray's parents get kicked out of the retirement community. Doug knows Holmes! I am not kidding! Doug used to hire him to do corporate video work talent here in KC!
So!!
Amy,
I gotta ask...how was the kiss?
I've been a fan of Jeff's since his days on "V" and often hoped that he'd get on a regular series. There's just not enough of him on tv.
Another question, checking Jeff's imdb info, how is it that he and his brother Kevin are the same age, yet birth dates are 5 months apart? I've always wondered....
Mary
Post a Comment
<< Home