Seeing The Light...In Black & White
This was posted before I presented the "contract" to the Gomez family. It was apparent almost immediately that the children might "sign" the contract but they had no intention of abiding by it, or really even reading it. I believe we honestly tried our best. God forgive our failings.
================================
I thought it was over last night.
I thought Amy and I were going to have to part ways with the Gomez clan and I told them so. No details are necessary, but we've had some ongoing issues, primarily with really the only rule I have in my house - respect everyone who lives here.
I can't imagine how difficult it's been for Lee and the kids and we've gone a long way to forgive, forget, and not freak out. Sometimes, though, we fail. It's difficult for us too... often.
Last night, the failures seemed too frustrating and far too frequent to put behind us again. I called Gordon in a panic and said, "ENOUGH!" Within minutes we had made arrangements to move the family to a hotel of sorts down the road until their apartment is ready in a month or so. I hated it, but I didn't see any other way. Amy's health is an issue... I can't have her stressed. My work is an issue; I'm leading a transition team that will alter the way we do our jobs dramatically. With Klondike's health, our foundation failing, and our financial burdens, life seemed to be too burdensome to have to put up with disrespect on top of it. I truly felt that maybe less reliance on us is what the Gomez family needed - and I'm still not certain that belief is in error.
But I was furious at myself for being furious. Make no mistake, I'm still angry, but I also remember what my brother-in-law Mike (all my brothers-in-law are named Mike, but he's the eldest by a year) told me once when I was feeling I wasn't being "Christian" enough in dealing with something frustrating. I don't even remember what I was frustrated about, but he said, "Even Jesus turned over the tables once in a while."
So last night I turned over the tables. I let them have it. I assured Lee we would still stand by her but at a distance. I said we couldn't take living together anymore. Amy cried. I cried. Lee cried.
And that was that.
Then I tossed and turned and thought and prayed and cried and mumbled a few angry things to God...somewhere in between I slept a little. Very little.
And time passed.
This afternoon my heart is telling me that we simply cannot give up... not yet.
I don't want to make Lee's life any more difficult than it already is. She's going to school, she's working, she's struggling with finances, her "husband" is taking every dime of federal money that might help out his family and keeping it for himself, he doesn't pay child support and he sends Lee all their bills. Yet Lee goes on.
This is a strong woman.
So we will be strong too.
We will go on.
Who knows...in two days I may be posting..."So much for that idea," but in the light of day I see promise...and promise is that upon which we will also base the remainder of our time in this house together.
Before I wrote this post, I wrote the following (borrowing a few lines from things I found on the web):
Main/Gomez Contract
* Our goal is to find solutions which will strengthen our family.
* We commit to respecting each other AT ALL TIMES.
* We will work hard at helping and supporting each other in every way possible.
* Our family will participate in church.
* EVERY family member will actively try to make living in our home more pleasant for everyone, by cleaning, taking out the trash, doing laundry, taking care of the dogs, doing whatever needs to be done -- WITHOUT BEING ASKED.
* As much advanced notice as possible will be given for the scheduling of appointments, rides, etc., and we will try to remind each other. Use the refrigerator calendar when possible.
* Quiet time will generally be observed in the house by 10 p.m., as well as when others with different schedules are sleeping.
* We will ALWAYS make certain to let each other know where we are at all times, whom we are with and when we will be back. Cell phones should be kept on wherever allowed.
* When in doubt-common courtesy will apply.
* We will practice forgiveness.
* We will apply these lessons honestly - hopefully experiencing greater happiness, love and peace in our home.
* If any member of the household feels these rules are not being observed, other household arrangements will be made with no hard feelings.
Signed on February 1, 2006
Family Members
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ Klondike, Winston & Avery
Please God, let everyone sign it...willingly.
+++++++++++++++++
Postscript: The Gomez family will be moving into other shelter within the next few days until their apartment is ready March 10th. Their move will come at no expense to them.
posted by Michael
©The Main Point by Michael Main
9 Comments
9 Comments:
It' a hard thing on you and them I am sure. Just living with my parents for three months following Katrina was more stress than I ever want to do again or put them through again.
I think the respect rule is a must and that is something I would say no backing down on.
Is there anything that can be done about the father? It seems like something legal should be possible. There must be some way to enable them to be independent once again...
I am praying for you all.
Yes, there is something legal that can be done, but she's not being aggressive enough to get what's hers. She has finally filed for child support.
I don't know if Michael will blog about what happened today or not. Things didn't go well. Michael is hurting BADLY. Please pray for him... for all of us.
Thanks, friends.
Michael and Amy--Prayers for you going up tonight! Doug and I respect both of you so much. Truly.
Katy Raymond www.fallible.com
Sustaining thoughts and love being beamed in your direction from here, and your family will be the last thing on my mind as I fall asleep tonight. I know you know you're not alone in this, and the Gomez family has already been richly blessed by having your support. If "the time has come", it will in no way diminish the gifts you have already given them. I know, I know...you know that too. The thing is, they didn't come to you with an instruction manual. There's no crystal ball, and no way for you to turn to Chapter February, Page Two to see what the path for tomorrow might be. Good luck, and much love to you all!
I'm sad that it didn't go well today and I pray that you will feel some resolution of the situation.
Amy I am sorry things did not go well :(.
You both have done all you can for this family.
Praying for you both and for the Gomez family.
Hi Michael,
I?m sorry that the Gomez family effort has taken this turn. So often it happens that stressful situations get worse just as their end point & success seem within reach.
Please don?t feel that you and Amy didn?t do enough. It?s no one?s job to make another person?s life perfect.
Many people would do well to keep this relatively well known Jewish teaching in mind:
Rabbi Tarfon teaches, "It is not your obligation to complete the task [of perfecting the world], but neither are you free [from doing all you can]" [Ethics of the Fathers, 2:21].
You and Amy are proof that it works in reverse, too: While one must do all one can, it is not one?s obligation to complete the task.
All the best,
Harlan
When emotions are in high gear, thoughts rarely come along with insights as well. Rest, young Mains, you well deserve rest.
As has been stated previously, you stood up to a mighty challenge. One not many would have taken on at all, much less for the months where you have stood. Much like family tend to do, being taken for granted fell upon the home built upon love, given in a time of unquestioned need, unbounded in an openness to serve the Lord God. In other words...the human came out in all fullness of non-glorified Godliness.
Go in peace Amy and Michael. Go in peace Gomez family. As the Lord Jesus brings those hightened emotions under covering of His mercy (you're already covered by His blood), the insights will come; the lessons learned; the wounds healed; the memories faded and the heart fully restored once again.
I am proud of you. God has two awesome kids serving Him in His Main house.
I think the fact that you and Amy made it this far is a testimony in it's self. When the call first went out for people to open up thier homes to the displaced storm victims...I never even considered it. I knew that I couldn't handle it, and wasn't even going to ask God to help me to handle it :) It should also be noted that God didn't convict to take a family in either.
I started to laugh a little when I read the contract, though...thought that maybe I could use it on my three wonderful daughters ages 20, 17 and 9. I especially liked the part in the contract were you stated that "people needed to do things with out being told to"....I just think of all the oxegen I could save if I could stop repeating myself... :)
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