Decompressing Christmas
It's not a pleasant job...reporting the body count. Some people say it's unnecessary and only deflates our national pride, but I am a reporter and the carnage...it's all around me.
I'm reporting from the front and my only agenda is to make sure you're not taken in by the hot air...the images you see may appear innocent...but they are mere mirages of the season of miracles. Do not put your trust in them...They are ineffective blowhards who are limp and risk leaving you deflated.
It's easy to be fooled - they start off sweet enough...cute inflatable Christmas decorations. Adorable air-filled Santas.
Perhaps a puffy polar bear...
The folks down the street from us have a snowman surrounded by Winnie The Pooh and Tigger...plus a gargantuan soldier-like snow creature.
But they only mesmerize for a moment...watch closely and you will see: these seemingly innocuous emblems of the season are temporary at best...these are in fact fallen idols.
As painful as this may be to hear - Santa and his posse are sadly sagging.
There's no way to avert our eyes from the reality...we're surrounded by deflated deities of crass Christmas commercialism.
They're everywhere! Our neighborhood is cluttered with - dare I say - the corpses of Claus!
Lee and I drove down our street and I swear we counted seven or eight Jolly Ol' Elves who now resembled the ill fated Wicked Witch of the West. I'm sure they too would have screamed,"Help me, I'm melting" but they lacked even the one last breath of a death rattle.
So sad. A silent passing...a whisper...a hiss...before being reduced to rubberized rubbish.
I fear I can only stand back...document the decay...
and wonder how long it will be before Christmas is sponsored by Cialis.
posted by Michael
©The Main Point by Michael Main
9 Comments
9 Comments:
This is one of THE best things you've ever written! The first year these inflatables hit the market, I saw the end from the beginning. I'm afraid puncturable decorations present the type of temptation that common man can't long resist. I've had to control my baser instincts myself... :)
You sure let the air out of the plastic Christmas creatures. Do you think a kid with a bb gun was on the prowel?
Actually, lest anyone get the wrong impression that my neighborhood is ripe with Ninja Santa Assasins...these decorations - for the most part - have electric pumps to keep them inflated. I'm assuming folks simply opt to turn them off like one might Christmas lights, unfortunately when they do that, they collapse into unsightly blobs. Each homeowner I suppose decides when to inflate and when to deflate - the folks down the street with the Winnie the Pooh display (when did Tigger become associated with Christmas anyway?) re-inflated theirs within 10 minutes of Lee and me stopping the car and taking a picture. I hope I didn't guilt them into running up their electric bill by never deflating them again. Perhaps they should come with a warning:"If you experience inflation lasting 4 hours or more...." nah...nevermind.
-MM
I just happened upon your website, and your writing is simply hilarious! Merry Christmas!
I think, that those blow up fan run santa decorations are the tackiest thing in the world, next to blow up fan run snow globes that stand 6 feet tall. But, I suppose they are the same, really.
It's unfortunate, that Christmas has turned into this. I've had such a hard time this year, the commercialism is making me physically ill. Where did Christ go?
And has it never occured to anyone that you could make a fan run blow up nativity scene too? oh no...Im being taken in by the...help me
Actually Sue...someone has thought of that...in fact Amy and I saw one only yesterday and I made a brief mention of them in a post last December.If you want to see what they look like...(do so at your own risk)..
http://www.michaelmain.com/inflatenativity.jpg
Very funny...especially the Cialis comment.
My sister wanted us to all go in and buy my mother an inflatable snow globe for her yard.. the rest of us said a huge NO.
I think they're so very tacky looking. The only yard decor we have are two tiny little lighted trees that sit by our front door and are not even knee high. Nothing inflatable. :)
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